Proof at Last: Turkeys will not vote for Christmas

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Proof at Last: Turkeys will not vote for Christmas

05.05.2010 // by Stefano Caricato

Although we have long thought turkeys would not vote for Christmas, there has been no data suggesting this to be the case universally. However, there has been a breakthrough.

Where previously, they have simply squawked and gobbled as they always do, pretending the ballot papers weren't there, some have attempted an interdisciplinary study to explain the indifference.

To do this, we investigated to see whether the Labour party in Scotland to see if they would vote for their version of Christmas or not. Leader of this part of the study, Phil Connor, explains, "Although the turkeys in the South East had reacted indifferently, we wanted to see if this behaviour was uniform in all parts of the country"

"We then set about emailing and calling all Labour candidates asking if they would support a referendum on Proportional Representation." What we observed was indeed similar to that witnessed in the South East and concluded that this was typical turkey behaviour.

"After weeks of emails and calls, only three Labour candidates were willing to support Proportional Representation."

"While some squawked and gobbled about the faux-proportional electoral system, Alternative Vote, most simply ignored their calls and emails, a slightly more advanced way of burying their heads in the sand."

Unfortunately, leader of the Scottish Turkeys, Iain Gray, showed his contempt by calling security on the Power2010 team during their campaign launch in Glasgow East, halting the trend towards indifference and visibly airing out his displeasure at voting reform.

Mr Connor attempted to explain the behaviour he had witnessed. "In the same way that turkeys in the South East chose to ignore or oppose something which would be beneficial to everyone else except themselves, those in the north had displayed a similar type of behaviour."

Elaborating, he said "if the three main parties all achieved 30% of the vote, Labour would still receive a majority of the seats in parliament - why would they vote to change that?"

Mr Connor also explained that the proposed AV system could be "even less proportional, and under the 2005 elections results, Labour would have actually had more seats in parliament and may explain why they support it."

In any case, we have finally proved that turkeys would, indeed, not vote for Christmas.

Stefano Caricato is campaigning with Phil Connor, Scotland's Regional Organiser for Power2010.